One Joke too Far
by Ellie1600
Summary: What happens when Jacob takes his blonde jokes too far? Emmett/Rosalie/Jacob ... One-Shot, OOC, and Sort of a Fandom Story - May not Follow Exactly with the "Twilight Saga"


**One Joke too Far**

Jacob, Rosalie, and Emmett Story

~Plot Credit goes to my good friend on _RealRosalieHale_ on 'Fanpop'~

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Emmett, Rosalie, Jacob, the Cullens, Twilight Saga, etc...it all belongs to S.M.

**! **If you don't like, don't read **!**

**Rosalie's POV**

_Ugh! Stupid Dog!_

The mutt was here, _again_.

The house was quiet. Esme and Carlisle had gone on a small hunting trip only about a mile away, Edward, Jasper, and Emmett where in the backyard playing football or something, and Alice had drug Bella, with a sleeping Nessie, upstairs to do some online shopping, since she refused to go to the mall with the overly hyper pixie...not that I blamed her.

And me, I was reading a book in living room, peacefully. I was in a perfectly good mood, and I didn't think anything could disturb me…until _he_ barged in the door.

Jacob's horrible dog smell filled the room, and I refused to acknowledge his presence. "Where's Nessie, Blondie?"

I had not looked up from my book and had no plans to, either.

The dog walked right up behind me so his nasty breath was breathing down my neck. "I asked you a question." He spat.

I knew I was fighting a hopeless battle so to my dismay, I gave up. "She's sleeping, upstairs." I mumbled.

"Oh, well…I guess that just leaves me and you, then." He said cheerfully and sat on the chair across from me.

_I'll have to remember to burn that later…_

"Listen Mutt, I am trying to enjoy the day…so I will ask you nicely once to, please leave." I said calmly, trying to hide my annoyance.

He seemed to pay no attention to me, but stayed quiet for a while. So after a few minutes I looked back down to my book and continued to read.

"Hey Blondie? How does do you drown a blonde?" he chuckled, seeming amused.

I looked up from book and glanced at him with an irritated look, "did you just spend that whole time thinking of that?"

"You put a mirror at the bottom of a pool!" He laughed, ignoring my question.

Still attempting to hide my anger, I began reading my book again, but found myself skimming over the same paragraph over and over.

"Why do blondes smile during a lightning storm?" he paused but didn't wait for me to reply. "She thinks her picture is being taken!"

I rolled my eyes and pretended not to listen.

"Why can't blondes make ice cubes? … They forgot the recipe!" he was almost on the floor laughing at this point.

"Why is it so easy to get a blonde into bed?" he cried whipping the tears from under his eyes. "Who cares!"

That was it!

I slammed my book shut and threw it down on the table.

I stormed over to Jacob who was now rolling on the floor and clutching his stomach in utter laughter.

"Why did the dog chase its own tail?" I yelled with my hands balled into fists at my sides. Jacob stopped and looked at me trying hard not to laugh.

"Why?" he snickered.

"He tried to make ends meet!" I growled, not finding any humor but he surely did. This made his laugh harder than before.

"Urgh!" I yelled and stomped out of the room. "I don't see how this is funny!

"What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?" he yelled after me, "pregnant!"

_What?_

"What did the blonde say to her baby? … Is that mine?" I thought he was going to have a heart attack from laughing after this, if not I was going to give him one.

_He just went to far…!_

"What did you say?" I seethed.

Jacob immediately stopped laughing and stared at me. _I must have made my point_.

"I…I…" he was seriously scared; I could see it on his face.

_Good!_

"That is one thing you do not joke about." I raged in nothing above a whisper.

Then he _smiled_…he freaking _smiled_!

I growled and lunged after him with full force. He was in werewolf form before I reached him but I was still able to knock him to the ground.

I went after his throat but he took his paw and punctured my marble skin making me yell in a form of pain. Leaving a huge scratch, that bled within seconds.

I then stood up and threw him across the room by his fur. He whimpered before getting back up and coming after me again. This time Jacob pinned me to the ground and ripped a piece of skin from my lower neck.

**Emmett POV**

I was tossing a football outside with my brothers, on a completely boring and rainy afternoon.

Every now and then Edward would get this smirk on his face but every time I asked him what he was smiling about he just played it off as nothing. And Jasper kept getting weird emotions but, just like Edward, never told me why.

I was getting peeved off until we all heard a loud crash from inside. I immediately looked at Edward who was staring at me then the house with his mouth hanging open in shock.

Then I thought of Rosie, who was inside reading. And then I remembered Jacob was supposed to come over today to see Nessie and…_oh no!_

I rushed inside and was horrified by what I saw.

"Get Carlisle and Esme!" I yelled to Edward thru my mind as I ran to my wife how was pinned under a horse-sized wolf.

I took the wolf by the neck and ripped it off Rosalie. Jacob turned back to human form and Jasper held him from behind by both arms. I looked down at Rose and got a better view of what the wolf did to her.

It was nothing that wouldn't heal in a few hours but it angered me beyond belief. I picked up Rosalie and held her in my arms.

**Rosalie POV **

It all happened so quickly. One moment I was under a huge wolf and the next I was in my husbands arms.

"Rose," he sighed running his hand thru my hair and breathing in my scent. I was crying tearless sobs while Emmett now held me by the upper arms and checked my body for wounds.

"I'm okay…" I muffled letting Emmett now that I was not hurt.

"Rosie, look at you." He said running his hand down my arm, "you're not okay."

There was a deep growl that came from Jacob who was now in Jasper's restraints. I was again about to lunge for him but Emmett held me back.

Edward, Carlisle, and Esme rushed in then. They seemed to know what was going on and stepped in right away. Edward moved in between me and the mutt while Esme came to my side and Carlisle to Jacob's.

I then hid deeper in Emmett's arms, knowing that if the mutt got mad enough he could do serious damage just by going into his wolf form or whatever.

Alice came down moments later shocked at what she found.

"You need to leave." Carlisle demanded at Jacob, who growled again. "Now!" he said more forcefully.

The dog pulled his arms out of Jasper's grip. He trudged out of the house and slammed the door behind him.

All eyes fell on me the second the door closed. I laid my head in my husband's chest while he stoked my hair and held onto me tighter.

"Jazz?" Alice sighed as more of a question.

"Where's Bella and Nessie?" Edward asked more to Alice than anyone else.

"Upstairs." She mumbled now wrapped in Jasper's embrace, too.

Edward started to leave but I knew he would come back wanting to hear what happened.

A few minutes later the whole family was gathered in the now destroyed living room, that I knew Esme would be happy to re-construct.

I sat in Emmett's lap in a bridle sort of way with my head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his comforting scent.

"So Rosalie, would you like to tell us what happened." Carlisle began, moving Esme hand to his lap and holding it.

"I was just enjoying my book when he came in and asked for Nessie. I told him she was sleeping and to please leave, but being the annoying mutt he is sat down and started cracking more jokes. I ignored it until I yelled back and then stormed out of the room. Then he took it way too far and I retaliated…end of story." I wanted to make it short and nonchalant, hoping to avoid their pity.

"Too far?" Alice asked. Jasper grasped her and shook his head, signaling her to stop. I smiled at him in thanks and he nodded.

"You knew didn't you?" Emmett asked Edward in a irritated tone, he seemed like he just realized this.

"Knew what?" Edward unwrapping his arm around Bella, who was holding Nessie.

"That they were fighting. I finally realized it! We were outside and you kept smiling but not telling my why, keeping it from me that my wife was getting attacked by Jacob and his jokes. You could have avoided all of this!" Emmett yelled tensing at every word.

"Dude, I'm sorry! I never knew it would go that far." He said sincerely, and I knew he meant it.

Emmett went to go something back but I put my hand on the shoulder my head was not previously on, trying to calm him down because I knew it was not worth fighting over.

He sighed and looked into my eyes before kissing my temple. He picked me up off his lap and set me on the ground. "Let's get you cleaned up." He took my hand and led me upstairs.

"I'm sorry, you guys." I say looking back before heading to my room with Emmett.

We entered our room and Emmett told me to lie on our bed. I gave him a question look but did as he said.

Emmett returned a moment later with a bowl of water and a cloth. I smiled at him and he returned it with his dimples, making my breath hitch.

He came and sat down next to me. Em gently slid the sleeve of my ripped shirt down and then took it completely off, leaving me in only my camisole. He dipped the cloth in the water before bringing it to my neck and rubbing the spot where Jacob bit me. The wound was almost gone but the blood was still there. He did the same thing multiple times before moving to the large scratch on my arm.

After all the blood was off of my skin, Emmett leaned over me and began kissing my vanishing marks.

"He started joking about babies, Emmett." I whispered, knowing he would know what I was talking about.

"Shhh..." Emmett continued to kiss me and moved to the spot under my ear. "I don't want you thinking about him anymore. Don't listen to a word he says. It is on my personal agenda to go kick his ass when I see him next, alright?" He was now looking into my eyes.

I nodded before he kissed my eyelids then fell onto his side and pulled me to him.

We spent the rest of the night cuddled in each others arms…where I was truly peaceful...

**End Note:**

Please R+R!

**Thanks :)**

PLEASE READ!

**\/**

I am currently making another version to this story! :) It will follow S.M.'s storyline _much_ better and will be _much_ longer. I am hoping it will be up sometime in late August. But below are some answers to many of the question I have been getting about this story. Many thanks to _emmettroselover_ for helping me realize how messed up this story was and giving me information about 'Breaking Dawn' which I have yet to read.

**Answers to your Questions: **

Yes, in this story vampires can get hurt but only by werewolves and other vampires. They can bleed because after they drink all that blood it has to go somewhere...in their bodies, right? And they only feel a small amount of pain, I mean getting marble skin ripped open has to hurt even a vampire...in this story, anyway. I'm not too sure about what Stephanie M. has said in her real saga...sorry if a lot does not make scence I have not read the books in a while and still have yet to read BD because I would like to see Eclipse first. This is a FANFIC! You make the plot and characters to your liking in your story, sorry if you wanted something closer to the real storyline of Twilight...


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